Lady AEA

It’s been two years since my precious earth angel went to see our King. When thinking about the past two years…it’s been…different. The first year I was numb to life and then I became ever so much more aware of life this past year. It became clear who and what is important. Why and how I do things became more meaningful. I began to treasure things I many times overlooked. My mother’s wisdom began to not just be memories, but actual life in motion. I’ve come to appreciate my Mother in new ways for so many reasons.

“Precious memories. How they linger. How they ever flood my soul. In the stillness of the midnight. Precious sacred secrets He’ll unfold. ”

I often heard Aretha Franklin and James Cleveland sing this song via vinyl records as I grew up. To be honest it sounded real good…but I never understood the lyrics personally until this last year. Memories of my Mama literally flooded my soul. Throughout the year, things would come up I wanted so desperately to talk to her about – and then God would send beautiful memories to teach me and touch me when I needed it most.

MONEY. One day I was paying monthly bills and she came to mind. I thought about how she could stretch a dollar. I added up all the things she paid for, how she was always giving to others and yet she still always had something… and I shook my head wondering how…knowing it was God who taught her and breathed on her money.

ONIONS. One day out of the blue while cooking, I needed to add something…I didn’t know what. I cut up an onion and put it in my dish. That was it – the missing ingredient. If you know me, this is huge. My Mama always cooked with them and I never did. I hate the smell of them. I still can’t eat them raw, but I must admit she was right…they do add so much flavor to a meal….and “dressing ain’t dressing without onions” :0)

OPEN TABLE. This past Christmas I saw just how big my Mama’s heart was. She would never just have food for our family alone. If we had food, then the neighbors did too. No one she knew was ever alone at the holidays and the table was always open when she cooked.  I realized when she cooked those big meals for way more than three people, she was being the hands of God feeding others.

FORGIVENESS. I was having a moment and hurt by some things folks had said and done. Then the memory of her forgiveness came to me. When dealing with some folks, stuff was done to her that she could have been mad about for years…but she forgave quickly and loved them like they never hurt her. It reminded me if she could, then certainly I could.

LOVE. I found myself doing things she did for me for others. Memories of her doing it for me came to mind and reminded me of just how much and how strong she loved me. I see that only love could make you do such things.

FAITH. As I wait on prayers to be answered from God, I remember her telling me I was the answer to a 10-year prayer to God. Memories of her faith encourage me to keep believing God…no matter what.

DADDY. One day my Dad did something really nice and I didn’t even have to ask him to do it :0) In that moment I saw him as a doll baby (in a manly way). A gentle giant. Full of care and concern. Then the memory came to me when my Mama often talked about this side of him. She obviously saw that when she fell in love with him and married him and stayed for over 44 years.

COOKING. I was standing in the kitchen cooking and noticed I was smiling. I know how to cook, but sometimes it can be a chore for me. But in this moment I was enjoying it. It made me remember my Mama cooking new and creative things and how she enjoyed it. I see why she liked cooking. We both like the smile a good meal brings to others face and the gift of creativity.

WORSHIP. I would hear her at 3 or 4 in the morning saying “thank you Jesus” and “hallelujah” with tears in her eyes sometimes. I understand her late night worship sessions as I sit on the side of my bed at 2 in the morning in awe at the love and grace of God and I cry out “hallelujah”. I sound just like her…and I understand why she did it.

All I have are memories. Precious memories. But when I unpack them and realize memories of her are part of my present reality it blesses my soul. Two years later. I still miss her dearly, but I’m loving the gift of her precious memories.

Thank you God for precious memories and how in your loving way you allow them to flood my soul. You know just what I need and just when I need it. Thank you for making those memories parallel with my present and cause a blessing to my soul.

Happy 2^nd heavenly birthday Mama! I miss you like crazy and I love you to eternal life. Thank you for the beautiful life lessons entrenched in the memories of a lifetime. Thank you indeed!

Love,

Alexis

God truly graced my Wednesday. You never know what to expect on a day like that. One year since God called His daughter and my Mother, Charlie Mae Alexander home. But I prayed about it and truly He helped orchestrate it and make it special. He took the ashes of sadness and indeed gave me a beautiful day. He allowed me to walk down the Isaiah 61:3 street all day long. I took the day off and didn’t want to lay in bed or mope. Rather, I did things that my Mom liked to do. She loved to feed folks and make sure they had a good meal. So I volunteered with Open Hand and helped make and pack lunches for critically ill folks who need nutritious meals and can’t make it themselves. Awesome organization (www.projectopenhand.org)

Then my Mom loved trying new restaurants and eating a good meal. So I took my Dad to Seasons 52 for lunch where we reflected on the past year, toasted her memory and then discussed where we go from here. How to not get stuck, but keep going, keep living and finish strong. A few tears were shed here. Sad ones. Reflective ones. Hopeful ones… and they were all needed.

Now the next thing I did made me smile. Every 6 weeks or so I get a relaxer. And almost every time like clockwork my Mom would say, “isn’t it time for your perm”? She’d let a day pass and then say, “Have you set an appointment for your hair”? She was serious about me getting my hair done. So I went and got my hair done. Of course I missed her saying “it looks pretty” afterward, but I knew she would be pleased it was done.

Then I did one more thing. My Mom introduced me to Wess Morgan’s music. I hadn’t heard of him when he first came out. She asked me to purchase his songs and put them on her kindle and I did, and I listened and enjoyed them too. She loved him and his music and his testimony. Over the past year I have listened to “I Choose To Worship” many times over to encourage my own heart. Wouldn’t you know God happened to have Wess in town Wednesday night at Condrey’s Evangelistic Association. Of all nights…Wednesday the 8th! That fella preached something serious. About focus and going after God this year like never before. About harvesting after all the years of sowing. The worship was amazing and I could literally feel a garment of praise instead of a spirit of heaviness. The sermon helped refuel my spirit and encouraged me to keep going. It was an awesome evening and he sang a song you have got to hear…”He Paid It All.” Check it out! http://youtu.be/Ud1PRdQYBFo I absolutely love it!

So dear friends. Just wanted to share with you what a beautiful day it was for me indeed. Thank you for your prayers! I felt them and God heard them all and truly graced the day. Yes sir/yes mam…I still have moments and still have tears. But God took a day that I thought would be really rough and graced it as only He could! I am a witness, when I did give up the ashes of sorrow and sadness, He truly did exchange it for beauty. It was a beautifully blessed day indeed…full of memories and love! I’ll always love my Mama and I miss her terribly, but God bottled all of those emotions into a day of love and grace..indeed He is amazing!

Don’t be afraid to turn over the ashes of whatever you are going through or struggling with. God keeps His word. The moment you’re ready to exchange the ashes, He’s ready to give you beauty! He will trade you joy for your mourning. That spirit of heaviness that feels like it sometimes blankets your life, yeah, he will trade you with a garment of praise. You never know how He will do it or who He will send it through. Just believe He honors His word because He will. Yes to bless you, but also so he gets the glory! My soul magnifies the Lord for He has truly been good to me!

Have a frabjous day my friend!

Today marks one year.  One year since my beloved Mother made her transition from the presence of mere men to the presence of the King!  One year since time stood still for me.  One year since my best friend came back from the dead to say her goodbyes and then ever so peacefully exited life as we know it here on earth.  Oh she lives on, but in a way I’m sure our minds can’t even began to grasp.

I’ll never forget reading an excerpt from Stormie Omartan the week my Mom transitioned.  It simply said the enemy doesn’t give you a break because you’re going through.  There is no time out flag to play because your loved one passed.  The devil doesn’t play fair…not even when you’re dealing with loss.  He didn’t.  Attacks came…all year long, even lost more family members.  Just as I took my breath from one thing, here came another. 

I’ll be honest with you, 2013 changed my life.  It was the numbest year of my life.  I believe I unconsciously asked God if I could take a year off.  Not from life.  I kept living, kept working, kept singing, kept praying, kept believing…but for a moment I stopped feeling.  Life is different after you lose someone close that you truly loved.  Life was painful and God gave me a year laced with His mercy and grace. He supernaturally covered me until I could stand up inside again.  I looked fine on the outside, but inside my core had to be fortified…by God and God alone. Even as I look back on it now…I stand amazed.  The good mixed with the pain, mixed with the tears…my God!

If we are FB friends, you’ll notice each month on the 8^th I would post in memory of my Mom.  I stopped after the 6^th month.  “I determined within myself that I would not come before folks in sorrow.”  If I make you feel sorrowful, then who is He that makes me glad? How can I talk about God being a comforter if you never see me at some point walk in that comfort?  How can I say God is close to the broken hearted if you never see me eventually walk in wholeness?  How can I say God will give you beauty for ashes if I keep choosing to not accept the beauty ?  There came a point when I had to stop looking at it as woe is me, I lost my Mother, to oh blessed am I that I had 35 years with her in the land of the living.  Blessed am I that God let me kiss her cheeks and play with her hands for as long as I did.  Blessed am I that not only did she usher me into life, she escorted me into a personal relationship with Jesus. Blessed am I that we got to spend so much quality time together.  Blessed am I that out of all the mothers in the world, God gave me the best one for me – Charlie Mae Alexander, and I let her know that while she was living.  Blessed am I to have known an unconditional love like hers that truly loved me…flaws and all.  Blessed am I that my Mother read everything I wrote, watched every video I made and listened to me every time I sang…constantly cheering me on in every endeavor in life.  Blessed am I to have memories of early morning prayer and Bible Study with just she and I.  Blessed am I to have a Mother’s love so strong in life that it still holds me while she has gone on. Blessed am I to have a Mother who taught me not only how to survive, but to thrive.  Blessed am I to have had endless conversations with my Mother about everything and nothing and it all made sense to her.  How blessed am I that my Mother taught me how to cook and love and write and read and how to be a lady!  How blessed am I that I saw my Mother bury her Mother and do it with love, grace and dignity. Blessed am I that God saw fit to give me memories for a lifetime that even death can’t erase.  Oh how blessed am I!!! 

On the 8^th day of the first month of 2013 at 1:35am, God declared it was time for a new beginning in my Mama’s life.  One with no pain, no sickness and no dialysis.  I had to stop looking at it as if she’d left me, but rather she gained her reward for a faithful life following Christ.  There came a point when the beauty of her life outweighed the pain of her death and my heart sincerely said THANK YOU GOD for my Mama!

As this day drew near, believe it or not, I begin to feel lighter and free.  I started to feel again…laugh again, hurt again and yes…even smile again.  It’s as if this invisible shield was gradually being lifted and giving way to a life ready to be lived again.

I love my Mama.  Always have and always will.  Earthly death can’t stop that love. I know many of you are or were concerned for me.  God had me all along.  Every holiday, every valley and every mountaintop.  We’ve been on a journey all year long.  One of love and grace and peace and renewed joy and understanding.  One where yes, tears still flow, but not numb tears or hurt tears.  They are yes I miss you Mama tears, but I’m pressing forward.  

To everyone who thought of me and my Dad, prayed for us, checked on us and loved on us all year.  Thank you!!!  To those special folks who remembered me on this day and begin checking on me even last week.  My heart says THANK YOU!    Day by day I get stronger and stronger.  This year has taught me more about the unconditional love, care and concern of God.  He really loves us.  When you feel it and even when you can’t.  Know that He loves you…He really does.  I stand boldly now and declare what I declared last year at this time…still one year later it rings ever so true…truly you are an amazing God!

Love,
Alexis

I love the Olympics.  I should really say I love the Olympic athletes.  Yes the Olympics for providing the platform, but the Olympians for providing pure inspiration.

To me there is something pretty spectacular about dedicating years of your life to the hope of one thing.  Mothers and Fathers dedicate their lives to the hope of raising children that will do something and be something.  Employees dedicate their lives to certain jobs hoping to climb the corporate ladder.  Musicians dedicate their lives to their crafts, hoping that the sound of their gift will bring joy to someone.  Chemists dedicate their lives to the hope of one day creating the cure that could change this world.  I could go on and on with how lots of people dedicate their lives to something for the hope of something.  But right now, I want to focus on our Olympic athletes.  Many train from the time they can walk to swim or run or hurdle or throw.  Many leave the familiar place called home to work their gift and develop it.

What I find so unique is that they put so much into one opportunity that only comes along every four years.  A point of a second could make the difference between 1^st place and a thank you for coming.  At any moment one slight misstep could sever your chance and you have to wait another four years.  One little thing could change everything in the bat of an eye.  But you know what…this is the part I love.  They do it anyway.  They work as hard as ever, they train with all their might.  They give their all as if this is their last opportunity.  Olympians show us how we should live.  They train for something that only happens every four years every day.  They prepare now to win later.  They give their all and we cheer them on.  From thousands of miles away, we root for them.  Proud that they gave their all for this one chance on the world stage.

I will forever have Mary Lou Retton, Greg Louganis, Mike Phelps, Angelo Taylor, Jackie Joyner Kersee, Flo-Jo, Dominique Dawes and so many others etched in my heart.  When I want to give up because of little things, or if one thing tries to throw me off track of my goals…I pull out a mental picture of them with their arms stretched over their head, with huge smiles on their faces and various colored metals around their necks.  A reminder that I can do it.  It’s not easy, but it can be done.  It’s going to take hard work, but I can make it.  It’s going to take faith like never before, but it’s possible if I only believe.

I can’t help but think of one of my favorite scriptures in the amplified version…

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency]. (Philippians 4:13)

God really did create something magnificent when He created mankind.  He gave us beautiful minds, amazing abilities, tangible talents, and a measure of faith to all to do the magnificent things He places on our heart to do.

I salute our athletes who over the next 17 days will live their dreams, conquer their fears, become legacy leaders, pave the roads on which many will travel, try, fall, encourage, inspire, get back up, try again, succeed, win and become forever etched in the pages of our history.  I salute each and every one of you and I say thank you for believing in your dreams enough to chase them for however long it takes to have one chance to stand on the world’s stage and succeed.  To you I say thank you and God bless you as you live your dreams!

I’ve wanted to do this for a while.  Thought about it long enough – now it is time to do it.  God has been blessing me to hear some new, fresh, spirit reviving music.  I thought I would share a song with you weekly…

Here is Week 1:

This young man has a popular song out right now called “I Love You”, which is currently available on iTunes.  This song pours out our love on God and is just beautiful.  However, the song I want to highlight this week is called “Loving Me”.  It thanks God for the unconditional, unmerited love He continuously pours out on us.   No matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done…He loves you…God loves you…and He keeps on loving you. If you need a love boost this week or need to be reminded just how much this awesome God loves even us…even when we feel unlovable…play this song.  I hope it blesses you just as much as it blessed me.

God please continue to bless this young man to sit at your feet and write the songs you pour into his heart…the world needs them and I surely do too!

Without further ado…Mr. Jonathan McReynolds singing “Loving Me” live and unfiltered at Redeem COGIC in Joliet, IL. Enjoy & be blessed!

Loving Me by Jonathan McReynolds

What a title right?  I think my blog readers are simply fantastic, so I wanted to share something with you.

I was blessed to see this video a few months ago.  It simply amazes me how brilliant the mind of God is.  His thoughts are truly not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways.  What an amazing God to lovingly create us and in such a way.  After watching the attached video, how could you not believe there is a God?  After seeing this, how could you ever think that He doesn’t love you and is concerned about every intricate detail of your life.  How could you ever wonder about how precious you are in his sight.  I encourage you to watch and be simply amazed at the brilliant mind of our God!  Enjoy!

I found this video today and was really blessed by it.  So much so that I wanted to share it with you.  Whenever you even think you want to limit yourself or make an excuse why you can’t do somthing…please remember this video!  Enjoy!

I get it.  I finally get it.  I have a co-worker who helped nurse a dying plant back to semi-life.  When she rescued the plant, it was down right pitiful.  I mean she really could have thrown it in the trash, it was that bad.  But she took care of it, watered it, sat it in the sunlight and even named it…Chance, like a second chance at life.  It was so cute.

I will be honest and admit the plant has had a nice turnaround.  It has new, small signs of life and a few new leaves.  But some of the new leaves are being eaten by some insect and have small holes in them.  It’s a somewhat self-defeating growth.  New sprouts of life in the midst of what was once a dying plant.  Who wouldn’t celebrate that?

But the awesome gardener who gave the plant when it was full and healthy, before someone almost killed it, offered her an incredible offer today.  He saw how much she had taken care of the other and wanted to reward her with much more.  He told her it would take 30 years for that plant to fully recover and be healthy again.  He offered her a brand new, four tiered English ivy topiary…valued at hundreds of dollars.  He offered her that to now take the place of something that will no longer grow healthily.  Something that served it’s purpose, something that it was time to let go of.  The co-worker surprisingly said no.  She held onto this piece of a plant, rather than embracing the new and better that had been offered to her.

I couldn’t understand why I was so disappointed, borderline upset with her today about this.  But I get it.  This whole plant ordeal was just a plant picture of everyday life.

How often do we hold on to the dying, old, non-producing things in our lives when God wants to bless us with so much more.  We hold onto dead relationships.  Friendships that mean us no good.  Pieces of a broken dream.  To afraid to let go of what we worked so hard on and that we see, for what is to come, which in actuality is so much better.  We waste valuable years and time and breath pouring our all into something that will never be able to fully produce because it’s season in our life is over.

I know God used this to show me myself and Him.  I was still holding on to some things that I had poured so much time and effort into.  So many tears and sweat into and all the while it wasn’t doing anything for me.  All my attention was focused on what was and what I could make it be, when God has something so much better, fuller, richer, blooming and fruitful to give to me.  But how can I grasp the new, if I am too stubborn and stuck in the old.  I know why it frustrated me so.  It was a reflection of me.  I wondered how many days I had disappointed God when He had the new and great available to me, but I couldn’t see it or accept it, because I was still hopeful of what could be of a dying or not thriving situation.

My co-worker can choose to hold on to the old, but I thank God for the revelation, so I can accept the new in my life.  I want what God has for me way more than what I thought I could nurture and create in a decaying situation.

Isaiah 43: 18-19 in the Message Bible says, “Forget about what’s happened; 
 don’t keep going over old history. 
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. 
   It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? 
There it is!

God wants to do new things in our lives.  He wants to free us from the pain, disappointment, unfruitfulness and low expectations of our past.  He wants to show you what lies on the other side of letting go.  He wants you to be free of the less than so He can bless you with the more than He has prepared for you.

I get it, I finally get it…it took me all day, but I thank God for the lesson via plants.  If God can speak through a donkey, I know He was sho-nuff speaking to me through this plant.  I can’t decide for anyone else.  I can’t make my co-worker accept her blessing and I can’t make you let go of what is holding you back.  I can only share with you what has been shared with me.  And rest assured dearly beloved, I have let it go.  I willingly give up my will for God’s will for me.

I have let it go…

We, you and I are the Church…we are the body of Christ in the earth. Now more than ever, this is my heart’s prayer for the Church…