Two years later…
It’s been two years since my precious earth angel went to see our King. When thinking about the past two years…it’s been…different. The first year I was numb to life and then I became ever so much more aware of life this past year. It became clear who and what is important. Why and how I do things became more meaningful. I began to treasure things I many times overlooked. My mother’s wisdom began to not just be memories, but actual life in motion. I’ve come to appreciate my Mother in new ways for so many reasons.
“Precious memories. How they linger. How they ever flood my soul. In the stillness of the midnight. Precious sacred secrets He’ll unfold. ”
I often heard Aretha Franklin and James Cleveland sing this song via vinyl records as I grew up. To be honest it sounded real good…but I never understood the lyrics personally until this last year. Memories of my Mama literally flooded my soul. Throughout the year, things would come up I wanted so desperately to talk to her about – and then God would send beautiful memories to teach me and touch me when I needed it most.
MONEY. One day I was paying monthly bills and she came to mind. I thought about how she could stretch a dollar. I added up all the things she paid for, how she was always giving to others and yet she still always had something… and I shook my head wondering how…knowing it was God who taught her and breathed on her money.
ONIONS. One day out of the blue while cooking, I needed to add something…I didn’t know what. I cut up an onion and put it in my dish. That was it – the missing ingredient. If you know me, this is huge. My Mama always cooked with them and I never did. I hate the smell of them. I still can’t eat them raw, but I must admit she was right…they do add so much flavor to a meal….and “dressing ain’t dressing without onions” :0)
OPEN TABLE. This past Christmas I saw just how big my Mama’s heart was. She would never just have food for our family alone. If we had food, then the neighbors did too. No one she knew was ever alone at the holidays and the table was always open when she cooked. I realized when she cooked those big meals for way more than three people, she was being the hands of God feeding others.
FORGIVENESS. I was having a moment and hurt by some things folks had said and done. Then the memory of her forgiveness came to me. When dealing with some folks, stuff was done to her that she could have been mad about for years…but she forgave quickly and loved them like they never hurt her. It reminded me if she could, then certainly I could.
LOVE. I found myself doing things she did for me for others. Memories of her doing it for me came to mind and reminded me of just how much and how strong she loved me. I see that only love could make you do such things.
FAITH. As I wait on prayers to be answered from God, I remember her telling me I was the answer to a 10-year prayer to God. Memories of her faith encourage me to keep believing God…no matter what.
DADDY. One day my Dad did something really nice and I didn’t even have to ask him to do it :0) In that moment I saw him as a doll baby (in a manly way). A gentle giant. Full of care and concern. Then the memory came to me when my Mama often talked about this side of him. She obviously saw that when she fell in love with him and married him and stayed for over 44 years.
COOKING. I was standing in the kitchen cooking and noticed I was smiling. I know how to cook, but sometimes it can be a chore for me. But in this moment I was enjoying it. It made me remember my Mama cooking new and creative things and how she enjoyed it. I see why she liked cooking. We both like the smile a good meal brings to others face and the gift of creativity.
WORSHIP. I would hear her at 3 or 4 in the morning saying “thank you Jesus” and “hallelujah” with tears in her eyes sometimes. I understand her late night worship sessions as I sit on the side of my bed at 2 in the morning in awe at the love and grace of God and I cry out “hallelujah”. I sound just like her…and I understand why she did it.
All I have are memories. Precious memories. But when I unpack them and realize memories of her are part of my present reality it blesses my soul. Two years later. I still miss her dearly, but I’m loving the gift of her precious memories.
Thank you God for precious memories and how in your loving way you allow them to flood my soul. You know just what I need and just when I need it. Thank you for making those memories parallel with my present and cause a blessing to my soul.
Happy 2nd heavenly birthday Mama! I miss you like crazy and I love you to eternal life. Thank you for the beautiful life lessons entrenched in the memories of a lifetime. Thank you indeed!
Love,
Alexis
Lady AEA 